Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Darwin #1: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.

Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective): I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!

Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.

Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. .

OJ Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Plato: For the greater good.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Saddam Hussein #1: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

The Sphinx: You tell me.