| Signs Your Cat has Learned Your Computer Password
E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.
Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.
Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog."
Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
Computers are Like Men...And Women...
Computers are Like Men...
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
Computers are Like Women...
No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
Before Computers
Memory- was something you lost with age.
An Application- was for employment.
A Program- was a TV show.
A Cursor- used profanity.
A Keyboard- was a piano.
A Web- was a spider's home.
A Virus- was the flu.
A CD- was a bank account.
A Hard Drive- was a long trip on the road.
A Mouse Pad- was where a mouse lived.
CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months.
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing.
SCSI: System Can't See It.
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed.
DOS: Defunct Operating System.
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
PnP: Plug and Pray.
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity.
IBM: I Blame Microsoft.
DEC: Do Expect Cuts.
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers.
CA: Constant Acquisitions.
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language.
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses.
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
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