Tie A Yellow Ribbon

Gift Wrap Goes to the Dogs


1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.

6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.

11. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.

16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as he "helps."
17. Let puppy tear remaining paper.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth.



21. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog & sitting on them again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot.

26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.

31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix while puppy tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put it away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing tug-of-war with remnants of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs what good helpers they are.

Gift Wrapping For Men

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Ralph -- went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
 
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper.  If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
"And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."
 
But the se words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
 
1. They were wise. 
2. They were men.
 
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.

One is "Old John", who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."

The other is "Red", who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift.

"No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," "Doc" said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."
 
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never comp letely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.)

If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
 
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.
 
My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

GIFT WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN
============================

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
 
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:
 
YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
 
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during  this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
 
Author Unknown (but definitely male)


Tie A Yellow Ribbon Around the Old Oak Tree


Words & Music by Irwin Levine & L. Russell Brown
Recorded by Tony Orlando & Dawn, 1973

I'm comin' home, I've done my time
Now I've got to know what is and isn't mine
If you received my letter telling you I'd soon be free
Then you'll know just what to do
If you still want me
If you still want me
Whoa, tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree
It's been three long years
Do ya still want me?
If I don't see a ribbon round the old oak tree
I'll stay on the bus
Forget about us
Put the blame on me
If I don't see a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree

Bus driver, please look for me
'cause I couldn't bear to see what I might see
I'm really still in prison
And my love, she holds the key
A simple yellow ribbon's what I need to set me free
I wrote and told her please

Whoa, tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree
It's been three long years
Do ya still want me?
If I don't see a ribbon round the old oak tree
I'll stay on the bus
Forget about us
Put the blame on me
If I don't see a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree

Now the whole damned bus is cheerin'
And I can't believe I see
A hundred yellow ribbons round the old oak tree

I'm comin' home


Before You Mindlessly
Tie Another Yellow Ribbon
Round That Old Oak Tree
By Judy Andreas
4-17-2005
 
I could have used "We 3 Kings of Orient Are" and let this opportunity pass to use this music in support of our troops. However, Judy, is a voice that has grown louder and louder. I wish she had been more professional in her writing and left out the name calling and personal attacks among her valid and reasonable points, then I wouldn't have to add my notes in red. Oh, well. Such is life.

On Friday, April 15, 2005, I stood in front of our local Court House protesting the War in Iraq. It was tax day and we were trying to make a point about how our tax dollars were being used. Many cars passed by and gave us an approving honk. Other drivers gave us a disapproving 3rd finger. Some of the cars had "support our troops" proudly displayed on their rears.

Support our troops? Does anyone question those words when they mindlessly slap the bright yellow sticker on their vehicle? What do those words mean? Is the "rah-rah" supporter aware of why we are in Iraq? Has anyone told these cheerleaders that the Iraqis did not fly any planes into the World Trade Center? Has anyone told the "yellow ribbon crowd" that there were no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq? Can someone tell me what "support our troops means?"

Last week our small county had its first fatality in Iraq. Before leaving for Iraq in January, Army Spc. Manny Lopez had his wife record him reading bedtime stories to their newborn daughter, Isabella. Lopez made the video diary so Isabella wouldn't forget her father while he was in Baghdad for 18 months with the 3rd Battalion of the 7th Infantry Regiment. The two-hour videocassette is now the only memory Isabella has of her father. He was killed by a rocket-propelled grenade.

After the tragedy hit the newspaper, grief stricken people called the local radio station to give voice to their pain. One woman uttered, through her tears, "He died for our freedom."

He died for our freedom? Perhaps I have been sufficiently dumbed down, but, as I stumble around in my flouride induced fog, I wish someone would help me understand how killing innocent people in Iraq (and Afganistan) is keeping us free? What has sending soldiers to be poisoned and to die have to do with "keeping us free?." In my lexicon of logic, the belief that "he died for our freedom " is just about as meaningless as "support our troops."

On April 15th, we carried signs in front of the Court House. I chose a sign that featured a picture of an Iraqi Vet named Herold Noel. Unlike Manny Lopez, Herold Noel came home from the war. In fact, he came home a hero.....but it was not long before he wound up homeless.

Byron Pitts of CBS News did a report on Herold Noel on March 25, 2005.

When "Iraqi Freedom" first began, Private First Class Herold Noel was a soldier in the U.S. Army's 3rd Infantry Division, pounding a path into Baghdad. "I fought for this country, " he said "I shed blood for this country. I watched friends die."

Herold began living in his jeep after most of his clothes and all of his military medals were stolen at a homeless shelter. He put in applications for housing but was told, three times, that they were lost.

"I have three kids. I fought for my country. My country shouldn't be doing this to me."

Mr. Pitts' report talked about how the vets are coming home with mental health issues and substance abuse problems.

"Mental health issues?" Once again, I am going to have to admit ignorance. That phrase is amorphous and ambiguous. I cannot help but wonder how many of these "mental health issues" are manifestations of depleted uranium.

http://www.sfbayview.com/081804/Depleteduranium081804.shtml.

Leuren Moret is a geoscientist who has worked around the world on radiation issues, educating citizens, the media, members of parliaments and Congress and other officials Ms. Moret calls "Depleted uranium: Dirty bombs, dirty missiles, dirty bullets: A death sentence here and abroad."

A Japanese professor, Dr. K. Yagasaki, has calculated that 800 tons of DU is the atomicity equivalent of 83,000 Nagasaki bombs. The U.S. has used more DU since 1991 than the atomicity equivalent of 400,000 Nagasaki bombs. Four nuclear wars indeed, and 10 times the amount of radiation released into the atmosphere from atmospheric testing!

No wonder our soldiers, their families and the people of the Middle East, Yugoslavia and Central Asia are sick.

http://www.rense.com/general63/dub.htm

"The long-term effects have revealed that DU (uranium oxide) is a virtual death sentence," stated Arthur N. Bernklau, executive director of Veterans for Constitutional Law in New York. "Marion Fulk, a nuclear physical chemist, who retired from the Lawrence Livermore Nuclear Weapons Lab, and was also involved with the Manhattan Project, interprets the new and rapid malignancies in the soldiers (from the 2003 Iraq War) as 'spectacular -- and a matter of concern!'"

http://www.rense.com/general63/11.htm

Herold Noel was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Unemployed and married with three kids, he couldn't get a job.

"Take two Prozacs and call me in the morning."

Waking people up from the nightmare is not easy. They are plugged into a controlled media and nod hypnotically as the pResident talks about the "war on terror" They sing "Proud to Be An American" as they continue to mindlessly display their yellow ribbons and fly their flags. They do not question the horror behind these symbolic gestures?

While the people busily "support the troops" what does the government do? Does our government "support the troops" as it cuts their benefits? Does the government "support our troops" when it sends them into battle with inadequate equipment? Does the government "support the troops" when it turns its back on the casualties of the war? Does the government "support the troops" as it casts Herold Noel and countless others onto the streets.

Henry Kissinger, in an honest moment (forgive the oxymoron) stated the globalists' true feelings about our troops. After the Vietnam war, when our soldiers came home ill from Agent Orange, Mr. "Killinger" stated "Military men are just dumb, stupid animals to be used for foreign policy."

Is that Mr. Kissmyass's definition of the phrase "support our troops?"

Not long ago, I watched a powerful movie on television. It was called "Homeless to Harvard" and was based on a true story of a young girl, Liz Murray, whose both parents were drug addicts dying of AIDS. After dropping out of school and living on the street, this heroic young woman became determined to get an education. Though she ate out of dumpsters and slept on the subway, she ultimately finished High School in two years and got a New York Times Scholarship to Harvard University. It was a deeply moving story. It was a story filled with hope. And yet, it was obviously unique. Most young people in Liz's situation succumb to a life of hopelessness.

On Friday, April 15th, I stood in front of our local Court House protesting war. Yet, in my case, the protest was aimed at all the wars...past present and future. My protest was aimed at the abuse of people all around the globe. My protest was aimed at the lies and deception and greed of the globalists and the sadly hypnotized populace that is willing to kill and be killed without knowing why.

I carried a sign that had a picture of Herold Noel. The sign read "From Hero to Homeless." It was a story filled with despair. Sadly, Herold's story, unlike Liz', is not unique. As many as 275,000 veterans will likely sleep out in the cold tonight.

Judy may not be aware that veterans have been more than 40% of the homeless population since the Viet-nam police action as our government chose to label it. How does one define war vs. police action? If Judy dug deeper into discrimination against veterans, she would find that most non-veterans discriminate against veterans. Also, our legal system discriminates against our veterans. e.g. There is not one case in the OALJ database ruling in support of or against a veteran in the workplace. The OALJ has many cases regarding minorities. And lastly, the very agencies that our government has funded with millions of our tax dollars actually discriminate against our veterans in favor of the companies that have billions of dollars in government contracts. e.g. If an affirmative action complaint is filed with the Secretary of Labor, the OFCCP (who is supposed to support VEVRAA) has committed fraud by changing the name of the company that the complaint was written against. Oh well, corruption is alive and well among the government agencies that were supposed to protect the rights of veterans since the G.I. Bill.

Copyright 2005 Judy Andreas
JUDE10901@AOL.com
www.judyandreas.com