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Would you like
to swing on a star
Carry moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off
than you are
Or would you rather be a mule?
A mule is an animal
with long funny ears
Kicks up at anything he hears
His back is
brawny but his brain is weak
He's just plain stupid with a stubborn
streak
And by the way, if you hate to go to school
You may grow up
to be a mule
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Or would you like to swing on a star
Carry
moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off than you are
Or would you
rather be a pig?
A pig is an animal with dirt on his face
His
shoes are a terrible disgrace
He has no manners when he eats his
food
He's fat and lazy and extremely rude
But if you don't care a
feather or a fig
You may grow up to be a pig
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Or would you like
to swing on a star
Carry moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off
than you are
Or would you rather be a fish?
A fish won't do
anything, but swim in a brook
He can't write his name or read a
book
To fool the people is his only thought
And though he's
slippery, he still gets caught
But then if that sort of life is what
you wish
You may grow up to be a fish
A new kind of jumped-up
slippery fish
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And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo
Every day
you meet quite a few
So you see it's all up to you
You can be better
than you are
You could be swingin' on a star
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Just a Good 'ol Boy
A city boy moved to the country and bought a mule from an old farmer
for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next
day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The mule died."
"Well, then, just give me my money back."
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
"OK, then. Just unload the mule."
"What ya gonna do with him?"
"I'm going to raffle him off."
"You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked, "What
happened with that dead mule?"
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 hundred tickets at two dollars apiece and
made a profit of $898."
"Didn't anyone complain?"
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back!"
This boy grew up to be a senior executive at ENRON.
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Is the Mule for Sale?
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real
peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing.
One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him.
Then she stayed, while he quietly ate, and berated him with a constant stream
of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back
legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their
sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men
came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached
Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the
women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"
Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her
dress was so pretty," so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men
all asked, "Is that mule for sale!?"
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That's Once
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their
domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local
newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long
and happy marriage.
Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We
visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on
the canyon by pack mule.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife
quietly said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little further and
the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's
twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third
time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the
mule dead.
I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she
looked at me and quietly said "That's once."
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