Run Rabbit Run
Note: Over the years I have received many messages covering sex jokes, etc. I have eliminated all porn sites and was about to delete all sex messages. However, I have built this one html out of some of them before deleting. I hope this doesn't offend some of my friends. Afterall, you sent them. Enjoy as always.
HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband
stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?"
she asked.
"Hunting Flies," he responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
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A man had a terrible accident. His "manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. The doctor reassured him that modern medicine
made it possible for his "manhood" to be rebuilt but insurance
didn't cover the expense. It was considered cosmetic. He had
three choices -- small for $3,500; medium for $6,500 and large
for $14,000.
The man was sure he'd want a medium or large. The doctor suggested
that he discuss it with his wife privately before a final decision
was made.
The doctor left the room and while he was gone the man called his
wife and told her their options. The doctor returned and found the
man looking very sad.
"Did you make a decision?" the doctor asked.
"Yes," said the man. "My wife would rather remodel the kitchen....."
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OLD IS WHEN. . .
....Your sweetie says, "let's go upstairs and make love," and you
answer: "Honey, I can't do both!"
....Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and
you're barefoot.
....The porn you bring home is "Debby Does Dialysis."
....A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the
garage door nearest your car.
....Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
....You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't
have to go along.
....When it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
....When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by
the police.
...."Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber
today.
...."Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
....An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
....Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women
to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?
....Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never
ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
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Subject: Benefits of sex!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is
sexually active or not?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women
make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which
makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses
the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable
than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins
into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you
with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called
pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid
that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release
the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
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This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original is in a room in Palaiseau. It has been sent around the world nine times. Now sex has been sent to you. The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on. If you don't, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off. This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?). Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price. Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours! Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days. Since the copy must tour the world, you must send it. This is true, even if you are not superstitious. GOOD SEX, but please remember: 10 copies of this message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours or you will not have good sex again for the rest of your life!!!!
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