The Typewriter
|
Word Play and Double Entendre The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". Almonds are members of the peach family. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. There are only four words in the English language which end in"-dous" tremendous,horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "L.A." A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life". A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. Only in America Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes right up front. Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and then top it all off with a DIET coke because they're concerned about their weight. Do banks leave the doors open and then chain the pens to the counter. Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have "call waiting" so we won't miss a call from someone we don't want to talk to in the first place. Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Do we use the word "Politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" (from Latin) means "many", and "tics", meaning blood-sucking pests. Do banks have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. Understanding Investments Stock A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50. Bond What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com. Broker The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke". Bear What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you. Bull What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter. Margin Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation. Short Position A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month."). Commission The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one. Sick What you feel when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call. 
|
Click here to return to Petey and Petunia home page.